Something New is Springing Up at Liquid Mercury

Today’s technology marketplace is constantly changing. Larger IT departments are working with smaller budgets, and in-the-cloud capabilities are bringing abilities to smaller businesses that they’ve never had before. Disruptive technologies have everyone feeling a little bit irritable, and somebody keeps moving their cheese. The overall result is strong down-market pressure on the entire market.

Many companies tell us that they’re now working actively to reduce their recurring monthly costs for cloud based solutions such as PaaS, SaaS, and hosting. As such, they’re seeking to return to the earth with solutions that – while they may represent a larger investment in the short term – allow them to control the terms under which they incur costs for initiatives such as upgrades, maintenance, and support.

In short, our clients are reporting that cloud based solutions simply provide too much functionality for their money; they want to do less with less.

Liquid Mercury Solutions is constantly striving to stay ahead of these emerging business trends. In response to overwhelming requests from you the customer (usually made in the form of late or non-payment) we’ve made an important decision to diversify our offerings.

Announcing Liquid Mercury Farms, a new venture devoted to getting our head out of the cloud.

“I thought you were talking about server farms.”
– LMS founder and CEO Thomas Carpe seen with Attila (left) and Seth (right)
As an alternative to moving to the cloud, Liquid Mercury Farms offers a broad array of ground-based solutions for “subsistence IT”. For example, our premier line of Liquid Mercury Eggs* is Grade A extra-large. They’re an excellent source of protein, delicious with toast, and the perfect add-on once you’ve uploaded bacon into SharePoint.

Our farm is also highly secured, with all equipment stored behind electrified barbed-wire fencing. Production servers are kept in locked cages, and all gates require two-tractor authentication.

The farm is fault tolerant, offering five nines of capacity – that’s almost 4 dozen eggs a day. Farm infrastructure has been fully optimized for production layers. Also, our cluck-through ratio is off the chart. 

Best of all, our support staff work for chicken feed.

To make licensing Liquid Mercury Farms’ products as pain-free as possible, we’re now accepting sacks of potatoes and fresh dairy in addition to our usual methods of payment. So, at the risk of beating a dead horse, why not give us a call and save a few bucks?

*Please note that Liquid Mercury Eggs contain no actual mercury. Happy April 1st!

“I thought you were talking about server farms.”
– LMS founder and CEO Thomas Carpe seen with Attila (left) and Seth (right)